A group of international students were asked a few years ago to write something about their interpretation of Dutch Culture. I managed to get a hold of these. Below you can find small excepts of what they wrote:
Excerpt 1
Maybe the biggest difference in cultures is the fact that the Dutch don’t appreciate it if people visit them unexpectedly. As it says in the Holland Handbook: ‘The Dutch do not like company to stop by informally, if they just happen to be “in the neighbourhood”. If you know someone very well, you can call in the morning to ask if you can come by that evening, but normally you should call further ‘in advance’.
The worst thing you can do is stop by, uninvited, at dinnertime. If you get invited to enter the house while the family is eating, most likely they offer you a chair to sit with them at the table but they won’t offer you anything to eat. If you get lucky you may be offered some dessert, because there is always enough yoghurt, thanks to a special kind of scratch instrument that the Dutch invented to get all the yoghurt out of the carton’.
In Spain everybody loves company.The Spanish like to go and visit friends and relatives at every time of the day. And when dinner is served, it is considered a bad manner if you leave, you would insult the hostess.
Excerpt 2
What I think is really typically Dutch is the tolerance towards one another. In one of the books I read: ‘Tolerance is not only a virtue, it is a civic duty.’ With 370 inhabitants at every square kilometer, Holland has got the highest population density of Europe. If the Dutch didn’t forgive each others shortcomings and peculiarities, or at least ignore, life would be unbearable. Tolerance is really veiled pragmatism. The Dutch think that everyone should do the things he wants to do within the limits of decency. I think that is a very good quality. The Dutch tolerance is famous all over the world and we have showed the world that in most of these cases our approach proved to be a good one.
Excerpt 3
I found one thing that the Dutch and Spanish have in common. They both treat their children as if they are royalty. In Spain the children can stay up as long as they want and when they celebrate the feast of the Epiphany they get so many presents that they need a whole year to discover what they got. About Dutch children I read the following line:
The golden rule is: “Let them go their own way. Free to discover and undergo whatever they want. Free to be creative (destructive), without reckoning with others as long as they aren’t in peril of death."
Of course it is important to let your children grow up with some form of freedom, but maybe the Spanish and the Dutch exaggerate it a little bit. I think that, if I ever have children, I would raise them with a little bit more of discipline. But then again, you never know! Some habits and customs can be very persistent when you are not aware of them.
Excerpt 4
Last summer I spent my holiday in Turkey. After a long journey we finally arrived at our destination, we thought. The people of the hotel didn’t know we were coming, so there weren’t any rooms left. If this had happened to you in Holland, the people from the hotel would have simply sent you away. Sorry, but not our fault, they would say. But the Turkish have another attitude. You are a guest of the hotel, so we don’t send you away. So they didn’t. They asked the cleaning ladies to look for another room, so they could offer their room to us. Very friendly of them, but we were also a bit surprised.
All well and done, we had dinner at the hotel a few times. One day we wanted to have dinner somewhere else. So as we were walking out of the hotel, the people were very surprised and asked us where we were going. When we said we were going to have dinner somewhere else, you could see the disappointment in their faces. We really felt like we were very rude to go away, and maybe we were. We felt very uncomfortable and at the same time we felt very Dutch.
Excerpt 5
When I first came to Holland, I thought that I had to learn Dutch to manage in an everyday situation, but to my big surprise I was terribly wrong. Almost everyone speaks English, and quite good English as well. This must be part of the Dutchman’s international attitude, they are always curious to know about other countries and cultures. They also like to show that they are able to talk English, even when I try to practice my Dutch.
The international attitude must be a part of their ability as great organizers, but also because they are very tolerant with racial and ethnical issues. They will not say a thing even though they find some customs of other cultures strange and unfamiliar. This also reflects their polite side. People are very polite, and say hello and goodbye when you enter and leave a shop.
They are also polite to their elderly. They will more often use the polite form U than the more informal jij. Some Dutch friends even told me examples of children calling their parents with the U-form. This would be unthinkable in Norway, and in English you luckily don’t have the problem.
Excerpt 6
What is written “between the rules” is the fact that Dutch people are so bored. They are not enthusiastic, everything is planned and even arranged appointments with friends and family. Even their parties are quiet and it look likes the conversations are planned too.
In De Volkskrant a reporter wrote about the boring Dutch. He writes about August 1763 when an Englishman comes to Utrecht to study there. This student says: “Dutchmen are proud of their planning, parties are sins and the only things they spend their time on is watching their clocks and barometers”.
The writer of this article says that this is still right. We are busier about getting to know if it will rain instead of it rains. Our whole life is based on the Calvinism and we are proud of it! Still in this century, although it is changing. But it is changing in a way of Calvinism; slowly, planned and well organized.
Excerpt 7
Deadlines, keeping work and home separate, non-hierarchic and non-personal are words that describe Dutch organizations. An economist from Suriname sees this as absolute smeerolie for a healthy organization. He likes the fact that problems in business never get personal. But this also has another side. Organizations are bureaucratic and non-flexible. Everything is formal, have to discuss over and over and need a paper formality.
Excerpt 8
“Doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg”. This is the title of the book that I read after living in The Netherlands for one year. I tried to have everything under control by reading different books at different times and getting tips and guidelines to get through cultural problems smoother. But I still had a very difficult time at school when I had to work with Europeans, especially Dutch.
The problems started from the time I had my first group work and I did not know where to start. I asked my classmates too many questions, which is quite normal in my country, but then everybody got sick-and-tired of me and they told me that I had to find my way myself (differences between ” we culture” and “I culture”- In “we culture” you are supposed to help people around you and in “I culture” you have to be more independent). Besides that they looked down at me by mentioning strange things that were not true about my country, especially the Germans.
Then I decided to study extremely hard to show that I can do well. Again things went wrong. I became completely confused especially when my grades were better than almost everybody’s. I expected that finally I could be really part of them. I also thought that teachers were going to appreciate it. But it did not happen.??
I got depressed and quit school for one semester. During my rest I re-read the books that give foreigners tips to adjust themselves to new countries easier. This time I noticed that I had not read the books properly: “Dutch people do not like to show that they are richer than others. From clothing you often cannot see who is rich or poor. Dutch try not to be different than others. If somebody in The Netherlands for example wants to be the best, reaching the top in society, they never say it in public. It is something they feel ashamed of!”.
Finally I reached the conclusion that you have to be in the middle. Less, or more, than average is not good. That is the policy for all different aspects of life in The Netherlands.
I hope you enjoyed these small excerpts, please feel free to share them with others (see below here).
I have lived in Holland for a long time, and didn’t know about the dinner situation. Thanks for letting us know. I find that Dutch people from all walks of life are really friendly. I am black and recently was doing research for a book I would like to publish; I was approaching people on the street to ask their opinions on fashion, music, politics etc. and I felt incredibly thankful as a result of these life changing interactions. I find, of course, usually people have things about their culture that stand out, however, if one is open one can appreciate most cultures in my view. I think, for me, what makes Holland unique is the Dutch people and Holland itself: architecture, nature etc. Once I made the effort to learn about this unique country doors opened!
Interesting article and comments here. Of course every country has good/bad sides, every city or even area within each country has differences and every person is different. At the same time, there are some general common threads, feelings, perceptions and experiences foreigners notice about the Dutch (and by noticing differences of good/bad, it does not mean that everyone is being painted by the same brush or that one’s home country or other countries are better or worse; for me the subject here is just about the common threads noted in NL). I have been here for over 25 years, circumstantially and have also maintained travel abroad. What I admire about the Dutch and miss when I am not in NL is their sense of punctuality (I find it so respectful and practical), their sense of law and justice (for me in terms of law and tolerance and humanity, they excel any other country and continue to readdress issues when needed), the Dutch donate a lot when other countries are in need and this is so special, their sense of ‘getting things done and being practical’ is amazing, their take on natural beauty and health, their stamina regardless of age to grab a bike rather than to drive, their love for nature and habits of taking long walks in beaches, dunes or the forest, their incorporating foreign foods in to their cuisine while striving to maintain their own, their progressiveness in care for the environment and how recycle containers are so readily available, how clean and minimalist the average Dutch home is and how hard working and energetic most people are, how hierarchy is not that important and equality is encouraged, how they have always been travelers and curious about other cultures and how one knows exactly where one stands with most of the people because they are direct. These are some of the aspects of Dutch people and many more that I value a lot and have grown accustomed to. However, the difficulties lie in how despite the wonderful laws in support of homosexuality and so much more, on another level I do not find the average Dutch person to be very tolerant at all. While understandably since NL is a small country, and is becoming too crowded by foreigners who might be posing a threat to Dutch culture and who do not integrate, already 25-30 years ago, I (and some others) did not and do not find the average Dutch person to be welcoming at all. It was and is not only because the country is small and so forth, but more like ‘why are you here anyway and just go back to your own country’ and without much interest or real dialogue, rather a prejudice. In general, the Dutch do not take the time to get to know a foreigner and their circumstances and to welcome them. They will not give you time, seldom invite you over to their homes, will often not invite you back for dinner, they will not give you the real practical tips needed to live in NL (so not very generous with practical information, their love, understanding, time or sense of welcoming you), they will go as far as to say how hard they have it because they moved from a different part of NL or something else as well and they feel that they are like victims to some foreign invasion. At a superficial level all seems well. You will hear the ‘groetjes’ etc. but if you speak the language and if you really get in to dialogue with them, you will realize that there is extreme lack of acceptance or understanding or empathy or even real curiosity about you as the foreigner. There is a definite sense of superiority. There is taking for granted who they are, where they are born and with that there are frequent misconceptions, prejudice, limited understanding and heart in the average person. They complain about things that seem senseless when they actually need to perhaps learn to be more grateful and caring to others. Having a wonderful intellectual conversation or just soul searching and gazing the stars type culture is not what your average Dutch person is about. The vocabulary in Dutch is limited in comparison to English and other languages so the capacity to express oneself with the Dutch and in Dutch becomes limited. And vocabulary and how much of it there is in a language says a lot about how deep or how much people express themselves and connect etc.. And while English speakers are not uncommon amongst the Dutch, they speak Dunglish (a form of Dutch English). They are neither interested in improving their English nor in helping you improve your Dutch (but of the two, they will opt to improve on their own English so it takes ages to actually pick up on Dutch properly). Once upon a time, NL did not have the elaborate social service structure it has today. This came about after WW2. So the culture is NL has becoming increasingly individualistic and self reliant. You are expected to fend for yourself. So be it an office, an official paper in the mail, a momentary time of need – you are on your own because the state is their to help you or them (the Dutch are born in the system so they are guided in to it and to fend for themselves early on, but you are a foreigner are not, you come from a people or collective culture)… but in NL you cannot turn to your next door neighbour, not your colleague, not even your friend. They might do so once, but that’s it. There is also a strange mix of being very conventional and very wierd so it can be rather chaotic or confusing out there culturally with whom you are dealing with. It is only those Dutch friends of mine who have been traveling over the years for years, who have come to a better acceptance, respect and understanding of foreigners and what it feels like to be a foreigner in their own country and have become tolerant and friendly in the real sense and not just a superficial ‘gezelligheid’, but the average person out there is rather limited in their understanding, curiosity, & level of friendliness. While women might be so called wearing the pants as some say, I find a lot of the Dutch women to be rather conventional, not very highly educated and rather simple minded. Of course there are amazingly well educated women out there too, but I am talking about the average woman out there. And many of the Dutch undermine the education and intelligence level of foreign women. (Some of my well educated African friends (men & women) really struggled with this and found the level of racism to be unbearable and limiting their chances for a decent life in NL). From a very young age, children are grouped in to what their intelligence levels are and what their capacities are and there is a level of control or rules or shaping or labeling everything in boxes which is hard to explain and that is very hard to overcome. While, it is great to be direct, it is not nice when basic human mannerisms are neglected. I have gone through those times when new in NL and I turned up at a Dutch friend’s home as a teenager at dinnertime and was literally told off for it by my Dutch friend’s parents whereas I was 16 yrs old and made to wait in a separate room till the family finished dining. Or else I was told to my face to leave the country ever so often when I expressed a difficulty. I have experienced people simply not showing up for dinner and without an apology, and I have heard Dutch people literally laugh out loud at the sound of a foreign language being spoken not realizing how impolite that is. There are many such examples of bad mannerisms as this is not something that is taught at young ages by all families or addressed culturally. It can really takes years to meet with the ‘real’ people and it is definitely not your average Dutch person. The Dutch people generalize what foreigners are all about also, so they cannot tell them apart and also tend to put them in little boxes, undermine other cultures and are too comfortable in their own lives to accommodate you in making real friends. They have their families, their routines and their friends and hobbies so they will definitely have a friendly chat with you and make it gezellig but it is all at a very superficially level. They don’t need you and they don’t need you to be in their country. But yes, they will make an effort to be momentarily tolerant and friendly and entertain themselves in that process as well. For a while you make their moment and country colourful and they get to show their tolerance and friendliness, but you do not belong here and you are basically not welcome (and this attitude is an increasing trend). This is also not a country like the US or AU that is built by migrants even though once upon a time Germanic peoples from various parts of Europe migrated to create NL. This is not a country that was happy about ever being invaded in the past which is understandable but they underestimate that they too did that in the past and that is how world history has been, is and is likely to be as the world does keep reshaping itself. So while it is good to preserve your heritage and country, they lack in sincere understanding real tolerance and intelligent solutions. The men look great but they too are more in to gezelligheid and making the relationship practically effective, but there is a definite lack in a deeper connection. I am all for emancipation for sure and equal gender rights and so forth, but men and women are different and it is hard when one has to take the Dutchman’s feelings more in to account than the woman’s, call it old fashioned but it is nice when in another country, the average man will offer to help put a heavy bag in an upper luggage area. WW2 and how NL was rebuilt to make sure every citizen has rights and facilities is great but it has very much influenced the culture. I have seen couples avoid living together because it is financially more economical to live apart. Women will have a child and easily break away from the partner and raise the child. It is the state that is there to take care of the individual. Great freedom of course, but then one becomes in the habit more and more of being an individualistic culture and not a collective one. And indeed, the Dutch love to give unfounded advice and you are supposed to just shut up and listen and focus on how they are trying to be friendly. Paradoxically, you don’t get the practical advice you really need (sure, you can ask for directions and a Dutch person would love to help you, but it will remain at this level). While in the Tibetan culture for example you are taught as a child to take care of yourself AND the other, in NL, at an early age unto adulthood the main message is ‘you have to do what is best for you, ONLY you’ … what a pity in a way. A fundamental human-human connection and real relating lacks. There is also ‘positive racism’. This is when because you are a foreigner, some Dutch people will go out of their way to show you that they are very tolerant and very open-minded and this does not last at all. They seem to be kidding themselves and you and it is a rather unpleasant short lived useless encounter. So, there is both good and bad in every country, and everyone is different, but as far as NL is concerned, the climate (weather) and the depth of how the people are (wisdom vs knowledge) is not easy. To the Dutch who are shunning any criticism from anyone – you are free to do so of course, but it is a pity as well. No people and no country is perfect. You are in your own home country, and whether you meet your family or not, you are born with information and tools to help you live in NL, you are born in to one of the top 10 countries in the world, whatever it is, be gentle to the foreigner and to the difficulties they face in adjusting to you and your world. Having said so much, Dutch people are some of the nicest people I have ever met, perhaps not intellectually deep or emotionally wise, but definitely honest, ‘friendly’, and there are some truly great people out there.
Great story 😀 I’m Dutch and I recognize most of it.
But youknow..the whole ‘respectful’ and ‘tolerant’ part, often has to do with the group you encounter.
I know groups that accept the most strange habits of others, (but would probably be too blunt and ask; ‘Why do you do that?’ either way, and ask curious questions.)
But sadly there’s also a large part that wouldn’t accept any new costums and would be afraid of any people with new cultures coming over.
The chances of meeting someone like that on the street are bigger, because they open their mouth easier and like to avoid thinking before they shout.
So..yeah…from my point of view, usually the backalley-neighbourhoods have the most hardcore-music-listening, smoking, redbulldrinking, capwearing, shaved head (or braided and shaved) and loud music playing, scooter-driving, with ‘cancer’-cursing, a-socials.
And those are defineately (and sadly) a big part of our culture.
If you wonder what kind I mean..the girl in the video “De Jeugd Van Tegenwoordig – Wopwopwop”
The whole video is vague and slightly confusing (the creators like to smoke weed) but thóse kindof people..well..i wish they’d change a bit. I wish more people were like the way you described us.
I am antilian but lived in Holland all my life and have been to the states for over 10 times so I think I have the experience to reply. Yes the dutch are boring , close minded, too formal, are passive agressive, child like mentally having ass motherfkers! But still it depends on where u are I live in Groningen and you dont want to be here it will fee weird and uncomfortable
Thank you for all your comments. My boyfriend is Dutch, I am Australian. I love his polite, reliable, non-aggressive Dutch qualities. He loves my unpredictable, emotional direct-ness. We are very different. Love teaches us many things. I came to the Netherlands to live, because he cannot leave his job. So here I am in a land where I can ride a bicycle for ages without feeling tired. The food is wonderful. We are vegetarian and the fresh vegetables and fish are fantastic (yes we love fish). One thing that annoys me about Dutch culture is that the Dutch are under a big illusion that they are direct. Um… no… sorry… there is not enough room here to be direct. Direct is when you say what you feel and the atmosphere gets filled with emotions. I find Dutch people tend to say what they think, not what they feel. There is no emotional directness. If you want to be direct with your feelings, you need to first know what your feelings are. Dutch people are very kind and polite most of the time and I feel so much gratitude to my host country. However, I think it would be good for the Dutch to not be afraid to express true human feelings, like anger and frustration. Grief and sadness. It’s much healthier to feel your feelings, express your vulnerability, then grow truly strong from giving yourself and others permission to be emotionally direct. Maybe it’s the cold climate, or the general culture of Europe ? Australia is a colony, a melting pot of different cultures. We are proud, but not so proud that we cannot have a good laugh at ourselves. Sometimes I notice the Dutch like to make a mean joke about others, but are not so good at laughing at themselves. These are my only 2 challenges with Dutch culture, no emotional directness and not much ability to “take the piss out of themselves” have a good laugh or cry, then get on with it. The rest of Dutch culture I love. I feel so grateful to be in the Netherlands and learn a new kind of tolerance. Sometimes Australians can become lazy because life is easy and our land is so big and we all speak English. All cultures have their own “ways” and now, in 2017, we are all evolving (I hope) towards a greater tolerance of those different from ourselves, while still recognising how “unique and special” each individual culture is. I feel safe in the Netherlands. Feeling safe is a precious gift. Maybe the best thing a society can offer it’s citizens.
I agree with you that average is seen as some ideal. It is quite disturbing sometimes but you are now allowed to publically brag you are aiming to be the best (some people will read into that as: I feel better than others. That is a social sin)
Organised: check, true.
Speak English to foreigners: True. But simply mention to them you want to learn Dutch. At the moment the german guy next to me at my internship wants to learn Dutch and I speak Dutch with him when he attempts to speak it to me. However, in serious discussion I switch to English to make sure there are no misunderstandings. Most Dutch people will revert back to English when they feel they will not be understood anymore in Dutch or are in some kind of other predicament where it simply becomes safer to speak English back. Simply ask them after a bit if they mind speaking Dutch again with you.
The children thing. that’s simply people being too lazy to raise their children properly and it shows with how completely rude and unnecessarily intolerant some have become. (this coming from a 22 year old)
Interesting article! I am Dutch and have a Croatian brother. I am currently living for 6 months in Greece and besides getting to know their culture, I wanted to know my own as well. Habits, culture and customs (if they are not all the same) tend to be forgotten and seen as ‘normal’ when you are in your own country or someone else (foreigner) is pointing them out. These kind of articles are often written by people that have experienced several different countries, so I believe that there is truth in them.
It is annoying me that soms dutch people say they can not identify themselves with what is written here, Dutch can not deal very well with criticism I think. these articles are obviously generalizing the Dutch, while everyone is unique, but it can help understand the general rules and behaviors of a country.
What I can totally agree upon is the privacy Dutch like, rules and regulations when it comes to social life (not visiting and such) and boringness. The Dutch don’t like fuzz, we communicate directly so everybody knows what they are up to. We are boring in the sense that we do have a heart, but we are so rational and don’t like fuzz, that to Spanish or other southern European countries we seem ‘cold’.
We do like parties and sharing nice moments together (carnval, student parties, birthdays), it is just VERY different than how they do in Southern European countries. We are individualistic and expect people to solve their own problems. We don’t eat until we want to puke (only when it is christmas or unlimited eating in a restaurant =P). We don’t give endless money to our friends and family, they can find a job and governmental help, right? This last thing hurts me as a Dutch. I hate it myself that we are not a bit more like the Mediterranean countries. Sharing life with the ones that are important, instead of achieving and money and rationalism. But on the other hand, men and women are equal.. In fact, everybody is equal.. and for this I am very proud =D
If you want something anywhere in the world, read ask and explain yourself. Be honest and tell people you don’t want to be rude, just understand and adapt to the situation. Communication can help understand each other!
Keep learning and travelling <3
I am in America right now, and was reading about the American culture. Then I was curious about what was on the web about the culture of the Netherlands en that was how I read your piece about Holland. I found it very very insulting. En totally don’t recognize what you write.
For a foreign student, it will be hard to become friends with some Dutchies. If you learn Dutch tough, you have a far better chance. Everybody speaks English, but it’s just used at a tool to understand foreigners and to enhance our abilities to watch movies / listen to music / read English texts when necessary etc. etc.. In normal situations, we want to be able to speak our mother language.
It can happen that someone gets annoyed because you don’t speak Dutch very well and switches to English, instead of being grateful for you to learn Dutch. When you explain this a bit carefully, Dutchies can handle it tough. Just compare it to our opinion about how the French learn English, they’ll understand.
And yes of course there are people who think different, I know, but this is in general.
we Dutch people aren’t that boring, right?
ik weet het echt niet
This information is priceless. When can I find out more?|
My family and I are hoping to relocate from Hawaii to the Netherlands to Create and experience a new atmosphere…
Any tips and travel arrangements would be helpful.
Thx
Foreign students should be warned coming to the Netherlands!
Never in my life have I encountered students being that much indifferent as the Dutch students.
Tolerant? that is an illustion.
Direct? this is a further illusion. Dutch students are not direct and blunt. I wish they were. Dutch students are merely passive-aggressive! They shun conflicts, as well as intellectual discussions.
Give them beer and a couple of bitterballen and they will feel in heaven.
Dutch students are simple and too close-minded.
If I have ever known this before, I would have never decided to come here. One does not thrive here amongst the students. Your passion will soon diminish, your curiosity as well and you will end up avarage.
Thanks for your writing. However I have to disagree with you with some of the points you made. Of course it is your own opinion, but you write in facts. I am a Dutch person myself and in my opinion I don’t think there is something as average here in Holland. Look around in Utrecht and you will find hippies, hipsters etc. Anybody can dress how they want to. Of course people in Holland who’ve been living in smaller towns CAN look a bit strange. We do like foreign people in the way they are. I think that you had a group who liked to work independent, because I do think myself it is hard to reach the top and every student here wants to get to the top and graduate on their own.
One more thing. About the eating. It is true that its a bit annoying when people disturb while eating, but that is because it is the only moment we talk with our family. The rest of the day everybody is working, learning, or going to friends. We hardly see our family and dinner is one of those moments for our own. This differs within every family of course. Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed the trip to Holland. It is a life experience to travel. Have a nice one and make happy moments. Greetings from Holland or the Netherlands or whatever. Bye
what an interesting Culture, am an African but our cultural practice is very unique. they believe in Communism. visitors welcomed at any time they wish. Any visitor who comes after for before meal is to be served equally.
I’m amazed, I have to admit. Seldom do I encounter a blog
that’s both educative and engaging, and let me tell
you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. The issue is an issue that too few people are speaking intelligently about.
I am very happy I found this in my hunt for something
relating to this.
Ha,ha, This was great to read. I am Dutch and have visited many countries. Have lived most of my life in Amsterdam. I find most comment says more about the write than the Dutch. You really can not be generic about a whole country. There are many sub cultures in the Netherlands. Most of it is based on geographic location. It really depends where you are. It also depends on who you meat. But the most important thing is YOU. Which expectations do you have? What is your goal? How much do you want to adapt and change? And you need to realize that there are differences which will not go away. So live with it or leave. I know it is hard to keep an open mind when you have a few experiences. But i learned this on my trips to other countries : keep in mind that each human is an individual. After some bad experiences there will be good ones too.
But do not expect that everything is the same as at home. And would it not be a boring world when it was everywhere the same?
Than there are some generic bad habits but again, an individual might be different !
A number of posts contains a certain truth. I learned a great lesson today.